Your Heart is Full of Unwashed Socks!

**This is a post a wrote a few years ago on my personal blog. I tend to share it every year about this time. 
I thought this year I'd share it here, with a few small changes... :)**

So. The holidays. They are supposed to make everybody all bright and shiny and happy inside, right?  WRONG.  I don't know about you...but I find that the majority of people actually turn into major jerks during the holiday season. People get greedy and rude, and they forget all about common courtesy. It drives me nuts!!!  Rude people in general drive me nuts, but especially at a time when the whole world is supposed to come together in peace, love, and harmony and all that mumbo jumbo. 

Well, this year I have decided to take a stand against holiday rudeness.  I will not allow myself to sink to the levels of those obnoxious holiday types.  I have decided, instead, to embrace the Grinch. Not that I'm going to be one...but I AM going to use the Grinch to help me manage my feelings about the rude people.  You see, ordinarily, if someone ticks me off I will get all angry and upset and let it bother me. But not anymore.  Instead, if you make me mad, I will get you back...with a line from the Grinch song.  It will make me feel better, and hopefully make you feel like a moron.  Here are some examples from the last couple days:

To the man that cut me off in the Starbucks drive-thru this morning:
Your heart's a dead tomato, splotched with moldy purple spots.

To all my co-workers who keep emailing me to ask when the holiday sing-along is, even though it's been on the calendar for THREE WEEKS: Your brain is full of spiders.

To the lady at the grocery store who ran up to the newly opened register, even though the cashier clearly said "next in line" and the lady was totally NOT in line and I was: You're a nasty wasty skunk.

To the guy driving the wrong way down the one-way parking lot: You're a crooked jerky jocky and you drive a crooked hoss.

To the clearly abled mother who parked in the handicapped parking spot at the daycare when there was an open one right next to her: You've got garlic in your soul.

And to my children, who, as cute as they are, made it their goal tonight to drive me so insane that I just might run away to join the circus and then they can have Daddy all to themselves: You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel.

Try it. Really. It will make you feel much better. :)